Chasing lizards

Is it ever too late for self discovery? Do you ever pass the point at which you can pause everything and go on a directionless hunt for this being you have entertained within yourself for your entire life? These days I think a lot about what I want to do with my life.  I see a path being laid out before me and I feel a visceral protest.  I wonder about the choices I have made and whether they were the best that they could have been.  I think of how long it has taken for me to reach the goals I have set for myself and I am overwhelmed.  Most distressing of all, I wonder who I am in all this 'profession + life building' talk and I realize that, while I have always had an answer, it may not have been completely true.

In many countries, students take a gap year after high school or even undergrad of university to do whatever tickles their fancy.  They are expected to use that time to do all sorts of useless or useful things with the goal of figuring out what they want to do for a living.  Those who do not take an official gap year may undertake such adventures during school, but the adventure is nevertheless undertaken.  I wholeheartedly believe in this idea of discovery through wild adventure, but is it ever too late to unearth it?

In six days, God willing, I will mark my 26th year on this earth.  I realize now that I could have taken such a leap of faith at some point, but I was seized by sheer terror.  I was not simply terrified of leaving my familiar place, but of leaving both familiarity and career path at once.  I was raised to believe that one must dedicate all to school and career and not deviate until the path was established.  After all, you cannot regain control of a train that has been derailed.  Now I know that my hyperactive brain may have turned that into a nightmare that it did not need to be.  Having deviated once (from medicine to bioclimatic research), I understand that some amount of deviation is okay and control can be regained.  Now I am being guided along another beautifully challenging path through a life in academia.  Which is what I want...right?

Here is where there is a gash in the tapestry.  Loving what you do does not always translate into wanting to do it non-stop to no end.  Now I want my gap adventure.  I want to drive across Australia in an old VW van, writing my novel and learning to surf while I chase lizards for a living.  Yes, I can breathe when I think of that.  I keep hearing that it's too late and that I should go straight from one step to the next.  I have heard that for my entire life.  My gut isn't buying it.

I don't think it is ever too late to do what moves you to your core.  I believe it is up to the individual to decide whether to take the risk dictated by the unique visceral protest.  The limitation of age in many things is a societal construct meant to keep things orderly and predictable.  That is fine, but does everything really need to be so predictable? Release your mind and try taking that adventure you've been dreaming of.  Chase those lizards.  What's the worst that could happen?

"Fly Away"- Lenny Kravitz

The song that goes through my head when I think of all this.  Revel in the great video quality of this 'oldie'.